In 2024, some 100,000 people will go through divorce. Surprisingly, grey divorce is on the rise with more Australian couples splitting after the age of 50 than ever before. This means many people will experience Christmas as a single person this year.
According to Elizabeth Jane, experiencing your first Xmas as a single person after so many years of being in a relationship can be a very difficult, emotional and daunting thing to endure. It is important to prepare yourself for the festive season and ensure you are properly supported during this time. With the right approach, it should be an incredibly uplifting and memorable time and be part of a new fresh start of finding your joy and experiencing new and exciting adventures.
Elizabeth Jane, respected wellbeing and mindfulness keynote speaker, relationships’ coach and mentor, celebrated artist and author of Amazon best-seller ‘Free and First – Unlocking Your Ultimate Life’, shares some tips to help people get through Christmas as a single person.
Jane experienced a sudden and traumatic divorce after 25 years of marriage and during her difficult and life changing journey of rebuilding her life and finding her new path, she journaled the process translating her insights and learnings into a highly sought-after self-help book.
Jane now speaks all over the world and shares her insights and tools on how to survive and overcome difficult and challenging life experiences as well as how to find joy, and in the process, rediscover yourself.
“Experiencing your first Christmas after a breakup can be especially tough, as the holiday season often emphasises togetherness, love and family. However, with the right mindset and approach and a little forward planning, you can make the most of the festive period and find comfort in new experiences,” Jane said.
Here are some tips to help you get through your first Christmas as a single person after a breakup.
Allow yourself to feel
“It’s normal to feel sadness, anger or loneliness during the holidays after a breakup. Give yourself permission to feel these heavy emotions without judgment. Trying to suppress your feelings can make the process harder, so embrace the healing process by acknowledging where you are emotionally,” Jane said.
“Feeling into how we feel is paramount to allow our emotions to be processed. Once we can identify and understand our true needs, then it’s a matter of courageously following through with empowered conversations, implementing effective boundaries to ensure that these needs are met.
“We then begin to feel more uplifted as these heavy emotions can move through us rather than being suppressed within us.”
Create new traditions
“Instead of focusing on the traditions you shared with your ex, see this as an opportunity to create new ones that you enjoy. Whether it’s starting a hobby, visiting a new place or celebrating with friends in a different way, making fresh memories can help shift your perspective and bring new joy to the season,” Jane said.
Surround yourself with supportive loved ones
“Spending time with supportive friends and family can be incredibly healing. Let your loved ones be your support system during this time. Engage in social activities, attend gatherings or host your own holiday get-together to stay connected and avoid isolation,” Jane said.
“Avoid negative people especially those who want to rehash or dwell on the past which is emotionally draining. Now is the time for looking forward, not lost in our negative thought patterns but enjoying the now. Surrounding yourself with positive people is essential.”
Practise self-care
“Take care of your emotional, physical and mental well-being. Use this time to indulge in self-care activities that help you relax and recharge. Whether it’s reading, going for walks, treating yourself to a spa day or binge-watching your favourite holiday movies, choose things that bring you comfort and happiness,” Jane said.
Focus on gratitude
“Shift your attention to the positive aspects of your life. Practise gratitude by focusing on the things that are going well, such as your health, friendships or career. Reflecting on what you’re thankful for can help improve your mood and remind you of the blessings in your life,” Jane said.
“Let people know how much you appreciate them. Gratitude is not only good for you, it also lifts the spirits of others. Practising gratitude attracts more positive things into your life.”
Forgive your ex
“You don’t need to condone their misbehaviour but holding grudges, judgement and staying in a victim mentality holds you back from lifting your mood. Think of the positives of the divorce – more peace, more time with girlfriends and no longer needing to compromise as to how you spend your time. You can rediscover what is important to you and step forward into a peaceful, productive and amazing chapter,” Jane said.
Set realistic expectations
“Understand that the first holiday season after a breakup might not feel as festive as previous ones, and that’s okay. Set realistic expectations for how you’ll feel as you approach the season. This allows you to go through the holiday season without putting pressure on yourself to feel perfectly fine all the time,” Jane said.
Stay mindful with fun activities
“Keep yourself fully engaged with holiday activities that make you feel good. Whether it’s shopping, decorating, baking or taking part in community events, choose to stay fully present, follow your fun and lift your feel-good vibe rather than get lost in emotionally draining, negative thoughts of the drama of the breakup,” Jane said.
Give back
“Sometimes the best way to cope with your own struggles is by helping others. Volunteering for a local charity, shelter or cause can shift your focus from your own pain to making a difference in someone else’s life. This can be incredibly fulfilling and provide a sense of purpose during the festive season,” Jane said.
Consider traveling or a solo retreat
“If staying in your current environment feels too overwhelming, consider taking a trip or embarking on a solo retreat. This can be a great option particularly when your children may be with your ex. A change of scenery can provide a fresh perspective and allow you to enjoy the holidays in a new way, free from past memories,” Jane said.
Look forward, not back
“While it’s easy to reflect on past Christmases with your ex, learn from past mistakes and try to focus on the future and better possibilities ahead. This festive season marks the beginning of a new chapter, one that’s full of potential for growth, self-discovery and new opportunities,” Jane said.
Limit social media exposure
“Social media can amplify feelings of loneliness or sadness, especially when you see happy couples or families celebrating. Consider taking a break from social media or limiting your exposure to platforms that might make you feel worse during this sensitive time,” Jane said.
Seek professional support if needed
“If you are finding it especially difficult to cope, there’s no shame in seeking help from a therapist or counsellor. Talking through your emotions with a professional can provide guidance and coping mechanisms, making the process of healing easier,” Jane said.
Jane emphasised that healing takes time and it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions during the festive season. Use this time to reflect on the lessons you learnt, let go of what’s not working and step forward in the direction that brings you most joy. By focusing on self-care, creating new memories and leaning on your support system, you can transform this challenging period into a time of growth and renewal and for reclaiming your inner peace.
About Elizabeth Jane
Elizabeth Jane is an Australian artist, author and public speaker. She uses a selection of painting media in her art, including acrylic oil and water colour. Digital and canvas versions of her art are available for purchase through her website. Jane’s debut book, ‘Free and First—Unlocking Your Ultimate Life’, was written as part of her healing process following her divorce, which ended a 25- year marriage. Jane aims to develop wellness centres and healing sanctuaries focused on helping people to recover from relationship breakdowns and other life issues. https://elizabethjane.com.au/
